Love Inspires All...

Let me count the times I have started this post over. I have doubted myself, my words, my story. SO MANY TIMES...

As my brand and heart has shifted, so will many other things... But for the greater good.
I have come to the understanding that I may lose some readers for this but I am completely okay with that. I know where my heart lies, and no one else knows my heart better than me and God. So here's to wearing my heart totally on my sleeve, here's to no regrets, here's to you sweet Anthony...

Today, reminds me of one of the hardest, saddest, unfathomable days of my life. It is the day you decided you could bear no more pain, the day you died, the day you took your own life 14 years ago...

Yes, Oct. 9th the day I dread every year, EVERY October. It seems as soon as October hits, and the leaves all of a sudden start to change, my mind starts to wander in a thousand different directions, EVERY YEAR. I think about the could haves, should of been's, the possibilities of life if you were still here and the sorrow and pain my heart is left to bear.

Hard to believe it's been that long when it still feels like yesterday, it still feels raw. The piece of my heart that just seems to stay open. The day time felt like it stood still, the day that forever changed my heart, the day my life shattered into a million pieces. Some days the load seems bare and other days it seems so heavy. OH SO HEAVY...

I cling unto the moments when we were kids, when we would wonder aimlessly through grandpa and grandmas property. I remember hearing you in the distance pretending to be a superhero, while I sat under a fallen tree, pressing wildflowers into my spiral bound sketchbook.

Or the hundreds of times we would get asked if we were twins. I desperately hated resembling you back then, oh what I would do to just get a glimpse of you again. Those were the moments that it was just you and me. Those were the moments I so dearly miss...

Perhaps it's because your life was but a glimpse. A mere 17 years we had with you, not long enough if I say so. Before I knew it I blinked and your were gone. I have nothing more of you than those memories that cling to every fiber of my being. The moments that seem to keep me alive every October. The times when we were so young and free, careless and crazy, the moments I SO deeply miss...

Looking back at the years after we buried you I was so lost. If I had to be honest with myself, I was so disappointed. So many years I failed to share your story more often, so many times I failed to share God's grace and love with others, because I was afraid. I was afraid of what others would think, and how they would react. I was ashamed. I was broken...

In all of these years since your death, I have been changed. Not too many years ago, I started to realize in the darkest days, after the storm that I could find beauty in all of my pain. God showed me hope, He answered my prayers and HE BEGAN TO SET ME FREE. It seems when the rain stops, and the thunder is a distant memory, you look around and see what you couldn’t before.

I can tell you that a fire in me started to burn again. I prayed that God would show me a way to share the love I have for you, with others, but in a very specific way that I would love doing. From there my creative fibers began to thrive again. I started to do the things I loved again, I started to find my way, wholeheartedly.

Yes, it took time, but I can truly say I am right where I should be. Right here, right now and I am perfectly okay with that. I have been SET FREE. While yes, I still mourn you desperately sweet brother, but I have come to a understanding that we will be together again someday.

I believe that God has given me the vision for Love Greyson Events and the ability to capture those sacred moments in life that are so worth celebrating, together. No matter how big or how small, LOVE is truly in all the details. My hope is for other's to experience the love I have for what I do. For others to experience God's greatest commandment LOVE. To see Him shine in me.

While I may have endured some long and tiring roads, I believe it has shaped me into everything I am today. While I continue to navigate the waters I hope to do it in memory of my brother. To live vicariously through my events, instilling my heart in every detail, listening to others stories and fighting for the things that truly matter. The things that truly inspire.

Thank you God for allowing me to be vulnerable, for giving me the opportunity to change lives all while allowing me the freedom to DO WHAT I LOVE. Forever I am grateful. For you I find refuge in.

For this season, I am grateful. Anthony, thank you for teaching me all you have, while continuing to show me things about myself, and helping me find my way. Thank you for continuously inspiring me to share your story and for all the memories you have given me.

To all my supporters thank you for believing in me, loving on me and pushing me to be better. I hope you continue this ride with me, I really love having you... Forever I am grateful.

Thank you for letting me share my heart, my story. If you feel inspired I would love to hear from you. Please feel free to email me greysondesign@gmail.com.

With Love,

All these pieces
Broken and scattered
In mercy gathered
Mended and whole
Empty handed
But not forsaken
I've been set free
I've been set free

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
But now I'm found
Was blind but now I see

Oh I can see it now
Oh I can see the love in Your eyes
Laying yourself down
Raising up the broken to life

You take our failure
You take our weakness
You set Your treasure
In jars of clay
So take this heart, Lord
I'll be Your vessel
The world to see
Your love in me

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Oh Sweet Baby Girl..

It’s been two and a half weeks since Mrs. Lailah made her appearance into our world. Born 06/28/15 at 2:00 p.m. sharp. Weighing in at 7 lbs. and 15 ounces, measuring 20 inches long. With a head full of dark brown hair and the sweetest brown eyes. 

 She’s the third child, and the last as I have come to grips with in the past 10 months. All of my thoughts were reassured I like to say after her traumatic entrance into this world, and I have become okay with that now. 

After another long and hard pregnancy and delivery I questioned myself many times, why I put myself through such an emotional state again? I have come to realize more so in the last 2.5 weeks than before I became pregnant. Emotions that seem to slightly mask the pain from my epidural that failed, the horrible contractions from the induction, the pain meds that didn’t work right, and the total shock my body battled. 

She is indeed the last one whose flutter kicks I felt inside my growing belly. The last one whose hunger cries will wake me in the middle of the night, every 2 hours. The last one who’s sweet milky breath I will smell when kissing her.  The last one who I will have to cradle around the house, just so she’s content and I can get things done. 

The last first smile, the last first bath, the last first steps, the last first day of school and so many other last memories. 

This day was destined to come ultimately; but all in God’s perfect timing. The day where we would celebrate the arrival of our last. The day where I could look at my beautiful family, my sweet newborn baby and feel “complete.” That day has come sadly, and I am learning to be okay with that…

The time will come fast enough, where we will indefinitely retire the stroller, the bottles, the diapers and the car seat. Where I will pack away her baby clothes one last time. She’ll be the last to head off to school, ride in a booster seat, and the last to kiss dad on the cheek as she leaves for her first dance. 

Soon enough she won’t need to hold our hand anymore when crossing the street, where she will be able to tie her own shoes, or the moment she doesn’t need us anymore after suffering her first heartbreak. 

Although, this seems so far away, untimely it is just around the corner. While the beginning of her life may seem so new, it ultimately is the last for us as parents. While her firsts will be our lasts, but the end of something so beautiful. May we take each day and hold it in our hearts forever, and remember the moments because it surely will fly by too fast…

Oh sweet Lailah, we are so blessed by you… 

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Winter Beauty {Maternity Shoot}

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of doing some fun floral crowns for a fun maternity shoot. My sweet and beautiful pregnant friend Heather was the lovely model and Tricia from http://patriciaandersonphotography.com/ was the amazing photographer.

The shoot took place in Michigan City, on a cold winter day. The lighting was magical and so dreamy and the pictures just speak for themselves. It's moments like these that make my job worth it all. To see the miracle of new life growing and a moment that transcends all beauty, I believe is magical. Enjoy, and be sure to check out Tricia's website. She is an amazing newborn photographer based in Chicago.

Happy Monday Loves!

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